Let me Share, My Brothers

From my archives, a selection of choice Green Lantern sketches for yon perusal...

First of all, we have some of my all-time favorites: Kyle Baker, Mike Mignola, Walter Simonson, and Bryan Hitch.



Next are some new Favorites: Michael Gaydos, Michael Lark, John Paul Leon, and Alex Maleev.



These guys are not known for superhero work so much. They were all great sports to do some nerd doodles for me. Jim Mahfood, Scott Morse, and (gasp) Adrian Tomine.



Lastly, there are a few cats who do creator owned work as their bread n buttah, but knocked a sketch into left field for little ol' me. Mensches all: Eric Powell, Xaime Hernandez, Michael Avon Oeming, and Dino Haspiel.



I hope you enjoyed this visit to my World of Nerdosity. The next time you see an artist doing sketches at a con, feel pityfor he or she, as they've no doubt had to deal with the likes of me all day.

I Hate the Teen Titans, I Love the Teen Titans

Even when I was a wee young 'un, I never liked the Teen Titans. I guess I thought the idea was neat, but we all know sidekicks weren't the entryway to adventure they were supposed to be. I don't know anyone who pretended to be Robin on purpose. No matter how young you were, you identified with the main character, not his goofy kid buddy. Most kids I know found sidekicks to be annoying. Hell, people voted to kill one once.

I never got into the Wolfman/Perez thing either. It was like a combination of Claremont-esque writing (which I don't like) and over-detailed Neal Adams progeny art (which I don't like). Didn't see why I should bother. In time, I grew to somewhat resent the characters and the concept. While the JLA or the JSA went out and took care of business, the Titans talked about their feelings. While the Doom Patrol was a bunch of freaks, the Titans were good looking whiners. While the Outsiders were . . .uhhh . . .never mind.

As time went on and Wolfman ran out of things to say about the Titans, the book seemed to lose all focus. Then Dan Jurgens committed the cardinal sin of starting fresh and that was quickly abandoned (it didn't help that the work wasn't his best). But to this day, I can't stand the Teen Titans. I hate the group therapy stuff that seems to permeate its stories. I hate the pseudo-maturity being hung on stories about Batman's sidekick and his goofy friends. I can't stand the bubbly, cheesecake character Starfire, or Cyborg in his robot lingerie and garters or ANY of that stuff. The characters are either vapid or stereotypes (usually gleaned from Marvel works). I mean, any comic whose "quintessential story" involves statutory rape by a man in one of comics' worst costumes OF ALL TIME isn't for me.

But let me tell you something. I love the Teen Titans cartoon. I watch it whenever I remember to be up early enough and my fiancee will let me. It's charming, fast-paced, and full of fun and adventure. The comic adaptation by Mr. J. Torres as well tickles me pink. And both are TOTALLY beloved by my third grade class and their peers. Kids talk about which character is their favorite, and it shows loads about them. Robin is capable but not boring. Raven is dark and shy but not creepy. Starfire is cute and emotional but not fan service. Beast Boy is silly and fun but not grating (unless he's supposed to be). And Cyborg is smart and enthusiastic, not the glum boringster from the DCU.

It's for kids, the way superhero comics are supposed to be. So don't go in expected graphic sexual violations or high body counts. But don't expect to turn your brain off, either. This is legitimate entertainment, clever but fun.

Making Fun Of (and sometimes praising) upcoming DC Covers

Yeah, yeah. Everyone does it. But I'm going to do it better. So shut up your face.

Let's start off with this little beaut:



Jimenez, as the writer of this book and as a Donna Troy fan and as a gay man, I must ask you: a choker? A fucking choker? Other than that, this cover is like a gay dream. Are there any straight Donna Troy fans? Wait, a choker? Seriously? What a big pile of "who gives a shit" this is.



Jerry Ordway: good, but not Gene Ha. God, I hope this comic even begins to approach the greatness of the first volume. But . . .well . . .hey, we'll always have the trades.



If I showed this to the girls in my classroom they'd probably freak out and scream, not in a good way. I might even get fired. Don't kid yourself, Loeb. Look at the (awful) art: this book isn't meant for girls any more than anything else coming out of the DCU. Cleavage and bad art. Hooray.

Speaking of WEIRD GIANT BOOBS:



I was almost thinking this art was really fun, too.



JSA: Where "super"heroes look somber against a black background. And, apparently, wear clothes that would have gotten you made fun of in the mid-nineties. Jesus. Alex Ross, just stop. Just stop. The Captain Marvel cover of JSA last week . . .it was Cap in DEEP contemplation on, clearly, some SERIOUS issue. Guess what? If you're an eight year old who can turn into the best superhero of all time, then you don't fucking brood. That's why he's always got that shit-eating grin when normal artists and writers work on him. Because his life is fun. A lot of lives are fun. My life is fun. Please someone tell DC editorial that lives are sometimes fun.



A Pro/LSH crossover? Didn't see that one coming! HEYOOOOO! Seriously, that art is nice. Too bad the story will be boring and tedious.



That's a fun damned cover. Swan/Bolland. That's a combo I would not have predicted.



That is a pretty Batman cover. I will give this a chance.



Drool drool.



Drool drool drool.

Huh. I didn't make fun of things that much. I will try harder.

A List of Villains, in Order of How Much Tail They Get.

1. Kang
2. Batroc the Leaper
3. The Leader (trust me)
4. The Mandarin
5. Kraven the Hunter
6. Loki
7. Doctor Doom (contrary to popular belief, Doom's armor allows for quick release of his slightly-below-average, uncircumcised Latverian schvanson)
8. Mysterio
9. Maximus the Mad
10. Arcade

A Footnote:

Some villains have been discounted due to impotence: Magneto, The Red Skull, and The Vulture II. (Surprisingly, Vulture I is quite virile.)