Too funny not to post

That's a link to a Countdown critique by a fellow named abhay. It's as hilarious as it is spot-frickin' on.

I Do Not Understand....

... AGE OF APOCOLYPSE. I don't get the plot, the point, or the appeal.

... what happened to Warren Ellis. There was a time when I thought everything he wrote was made of Golden Apples. Then something happened. I dunno what. Maybe he got bored. All I know is that the third PLANETARY trade came out today and my heart did not flutter at all like it used to. I remember a time when PLANETARY and the AUTHORITY and TRANSMETROPOLITAN were home runs every time they hit the shelves. Colossal achievements, every issue. Now we have ULTIMATE FF. It's a sad state.

... why fanboy nerds keep falling for over-hyped Event books. Yes, COUNTDOWN TO INFINITE CRISIS sucks. You knew it would. But you bought it anyway. I know it was only a dollar, but that's valuable space in your brain, now wasted on memories of the Blue Beetle looking at computers and talking to people about his feelings. And then having his brains blown out. Ya think HOUSE OF M will be any better?

... how Grant Morrison can crank out such consistently amazing material. For months now he's been dropping the best comcs I've read in years, and they just keep coming. I have a man crush on his big, hard, throbbing Talent.

... Joe Rice's love for DARK KNIGHT STRIKES AGAIN. I re-read it recently, with his high regard for it fully in mind. It was bad the first time around, and it Has Not Aged Well.

... people that aren't reading SEVEN SOLDIERS OF VICTORY because it "plays with continuity". These are the people to blame for shit like COUNTDOWN and REBIRTH. They are Monsters. They live in caves and eat baby bones. They fear the daylight and growl curses at passersby.

These are some things that I do not understand. But I'm probably just stupid.

Joe Rice Media Review 3/30/05

Holy crap!

What a great week in comics! I haven't had this kind of quality density (amount of awesomenocity/# of comics) in ages. Of the things I actually got for myself, they were an AWESOME three for three. It's no shock, really, as three of my favorites came out this week.

BPRD is like sweet Mignola hugs with some action slam bang butt grabs going around the back. It's comforting and exciting at the same time. Captain Daimio seems symbolic of the new feeling and energy. Now, there's few things I love more than pure Mignola, but Magic Mike teamed up with Guy the guy and John Arcudi turns out the weird Hellboy world blockbuster that the Hellboy movie ultimate failed to be. This is fun, creepy, and utterly unique in today's market (or in any other).

Meanwhile you've got the Amazing Joy Buzzards rocking your geek soul all the way down to the pores. That metaphor totally fell apart there. So, in addition to action, RAWK, luchadors, humor, and pretty girls you get to add ZOMBIES! AND NAPOLEON DYNAMITE! Is it legal for fun to be this potent? God, I hope not. Cause if not, then I get to put off that awesome "bad boy" vibe. Excuse me while I roll my t-shirt sleeves and lean against a wall, scowling. This comic is like that moment at the party when you just then clicked with the cutie singing Weezer in the corner.

The Goon. The Goon. The Goon. I love you, The Goon. I love you, Eric Powell. Wow, these three comics . . .in one week. Nothing can get you down then. Eric Powell decides to do some fun dimensional madness and he throws in great stuff like this line, "It's [your mother's] fault you was born without legs! It's all that whorin' and turpentine hooch that done it!" Pure madness, pure fun, pure amazing art, all pureed into a 30-some page masterwork. Spring is here. Things are being reborn and enlivened everywhere. Comics are no exception.

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I did read Countdown. It doesn't offend me like IC did, simply because there's no on-camera rape. It's a bad comic that misses the point of just about every character presented within. It's manipulative, ugly, and cliched. But my favorite bit we discovered at the shop is this little factiod. There were 21 pages with people looking at computer screens. That's a bit over 25% of the comic. Looking at computer screens. Fun!

Forget the rest. Look at the fun stuff. It's Spring. Time to have fun again.