NO FIWOTTS ALLOWED!

Monday, May 23, 2005

Found Comedy (Old DC Comics)

Found comedy is easy, I'll admit it. Someone else has already done most of the work for you. In this case, people have made some ridiculous comics and I happened to win a gaggle of them on ebay. I was reading through them, because they looked fun. They always do, don't they? Old comics, from the eighties and beyond, they always seem like they'll be a lot of fun. The ideas are usually kick-ass. It's the execution that's lacking. The writing really rarely meets up with the idea in terms of quality. At the time, it may have been great, but with modern things to compare it with (and true old greats, like Lee/Kirby FF) they just don't hold up.

But I'm not here to focus on how old comics rarely worked. I'm here to focus on some snippets that are just weird.

Like this next one . . .it's from a Superman comic where Krypto mysteriously reappears with amnesia. He gets a crush on another dog while he has amnesia, but once his memory returns, he starts to help Superman. Then he finally gets another date with his crush. This happens.

What a bitch!

Jesus, what a depressing note to end that on . . .and no one seems to realize that poor damn Krypto is flying off heartbroken. Hey, Chelsea, you idiot, you just rejected THE BEST DOG OF ALL TIME! I bet Krypto went on a rampage after that. Poor guy.

And here's an ad for the EVENT OF ALL TIME! If this had happened in today's market, the internet would evaporate. Chuck Dixon would crossdress. Right-wing comics bloggers would foam. And left-wing comics bloggers would be big frickin' pussies, just like they always are, HAR HAR HAR. Wait, shit, I'm a liberal. Crap. Anyway, ENJOY THIS AWESOMENESS.

I freed the blacks but I'm gonna kick this red's ass!

Next up is an old Brave and the Bold where Batman and the Flash team up. You know how I said these comics had great ideas, but just didn't live up to them? Well, this one didn't have a great idea, either. Bruce Wayne pays for the Allens to come to Gotham for a night on the town. They go to a disco. There's some Phantom guy there who's mad that his girlfriend died in a dancing contest forty years ago. So the Flash, obviously, travels back in time to take a Polaroid of the girl before she died (not, of course, to save her) so they can make Iris look like her and tell the Phantom to leave everyone alone. What the hell? Oh, who cares. Let's look at some dopey DC dorks.

Nice suits, guys.

1. Everyone looks like an idiot, but that's the 70s.

2. Someone REALLY wanted to see Bruce Wayne in the Saturday Night Fever suit. Because it was easier than drawing a new disco suit.

3. Bruce is a jerk.

4. Alfred is more believably fey here than Millar's Jarvis.

5. Barry is an idiot.

6. HOLY SHIT that announcer guy is crazy!

Rationalize this, Meltzer.

Discos were apparently much awesomer than anything has led me to believe. People dressed like pirates, just because! I hope Bruce's date is a bigger idiot than Barry, because that's a pretty obvious clue as to his secret I.D. Jesus.

Hope you all enjoyed. If I get a chance I may post some bits from an ACTUALLY GOOD pre-Wolfman Titans story with art from Gil Kane and Wally Wood.

7 Love Letters:

Blogger Kitty said...

I love the idea of Alfred being a "secret swinger." That's gold!

7:24 PM

 
Blogger Joe Rice said...

The secret's out, though.

What distinguishes the "Latin" hustle from the mainstream version? Is it hot-blooded? Or is it a dead language?

9:59 AM

 
Blogger T. said...

People wearing wacky costumes has always been a staple in decadent nightclubs. From the house music days to a strange Brooklyn warehouse party I went to last month, an odd person or two wearing a costume is not odd to see. And yes, they're called "freaks."

12:39 PM

 
Blogger Joe Rice said...

Huh.

The above factoid was brought to you by, well, the letter T.

2:48 PM

 
Anonymous Hinch said...

Maybe later in that issue 4 teenagers and a dog show up and figure out that the pirate is really just a man.

7:48 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a huge fan so you might like apbt kennel

7:36 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a huge fan so youmight like akc.com

9:23 AM

 

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