Sad News (and Reviews)

I mourn today. I mourn for my bloglife partner, Alex. While reading a copy of Green Lantern: Rebirth at his shop yesterday, he became so filled with rage and despair (ragepair) that he went home and fucking killed himself. Are you happy, Geoff Johns? Did your boring, cliched story have its desired effect? The death of a Green Lantern fan? Did the fan-fic noodling ("John builds his green shit because HE IS AN ARCHITECT!!!"; a fucking "one punch" reference; etc) please you? Ethan Van Scriver, did the dumb looking GL effects put a notch in your belt?

I hope you people are pleased. Because Alex isn't alive to be pleased about anything anymore. You made him kill himself and die. Hal Jordan becoming a dickhead caused him too much pain. Hal punching out the world's greatest martial artist made him confused. Inadequately-crafted writing form made him angry. And the stupid-ass ending(s) helped him finish the deed. Thanks a fucking lot, guys. You killed Alex.

(In related news, if I'm a superhero about to battle a big monster, or, hell, if I'm a nerdy comic reader about to battle a big idiot . . .no matter how "personal" it might be, if you are around and my friend it is your damn fight, too. Up yours, Alan Scott. I hope you get rabies from your wonderhound and fucking die.)

Here is an equation for you. Take Adam Strange, then subtract beautiful art; a fast, energetic pace; a sense of humor; and charm. Then add exposiriffic dialogue and stiff, unfun art. What do you get? Rann/Thanager War. I love Dave Gibbons as much as the next nerd, but you can give this one a pass. Like Willingham, the other writer capable of great work roped into this mess, even Gibbons can't make this editorial connect-the-dots enjoyable. Adam Strange, you were a damn fun comic. I'd really enjoy re-reading you, if you know, Alex hadn't committed fucking suicide.

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Dear Mr. Warren Ellis,

What reason do I have for ever giving a damn about any of your characters? Neat ideas and scholarly talk do not a comic make. Reiteration 46 of the "pseudo-cynical, wronged hero with a heart of gold" is a bit . . .predictable? Something like that. Just writing to say that, you know, if I don't care about the characters, I'm not going to buy it.

Your pal,

Joe Rice (but not his friend Alex, who ended his own life because GL: Rebirth was such a shitty comic book)

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Here is a fun game for you and your family but not for your recently-deceased friend: try to guess which two of the three comics featuring the Punisher that came out this week were really good. Your only hint is, they were both written by the same person and he comes from a race of horrible drunk sub-humans. (I usually really enjoy Kirkman's superhero stuff, but this was just a bunch of unconvincing dialogue in an attempt to rationalize a weird team-up. Not his best work. At least the art was better than usual, though.)

Jack Staff is good, Jack Staff is great. I'm glad to see Grist getting back into some of the experiments with form and function again. The beginning of the current run seemed a bit . . .straightforward. Now it's fun AND really neat.

Wha? Huh? Zap Comix? With new(ish) material? HOLY SHIT MY TIME MACHINE WORKED! To hell with reading comics (even if the Crumb stuff is pretty beautiful)! I'm going to go experiment with drugs in a consequence-free environment and help sabotage the very progressive movement I hold most dear! Also, UNPROTECTED SEX! Oh, shit, I can't grow my hair long! I WANT TO GO BACK TO MY TIME!!! WHERE IS MY TIME MACHINE NOW?!? Oh, whew, I'm typing on a computer so here I am. Back in my own time, where everything is great.

Except Geoff Johns killed my friend.