NO FIWOTTS ALLOWED!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Rann is Like a Blowjob

I, Alexander Kamandi Esq., am officially supporting Rann in this intergalactic conflict. Let's face it; the Rannians are fit to be our Alien Overlords, while those filthy Thanagers are barely fit to clean up after us or do our collective Earth laundry. They are a low, mongrel race with hideous features befitting a lesser species. Just look at the dark, sloping brows and beady eyes; science will tell you that these "people" obviously come from deviant stock. And you can't argue with that. It's Science.

The Rannians are a lovely and cultured people, with refined arts and noble physical features. I have only one word for you: Jetpacks. The height of civilization. Meanwhile, the Thanagers still use wings like animals! They wear bird fetishes on their heads and run about bare-chested in a most common manner. To refer to them as dirty savages would be a gross understatement.

The Rann Jetpack Trooper Squadrons are outfitted in a splendid uniform of red, white, and yellow; colors symbolizing Courage, Hope, and Nobility. The Thanagers wear Green, the color of Incest!

Rann women love Earth men. They love to please a human male with all varieties of sexual positions, and perform acts of fellatio that are legendary across the universe. Adam Strange once spoke of orgasms so powerful that his spleen ruptured, and he had migraine headaches for days afterward. He also claimed that his partner "swallowed".

On Thanagar, it is common practice to masturbate in public and engage in sexual congress with internal combustion engines. Although Thanager men are known to have large members, they can only perform in the "missionary" position due to their useless, vestigial wings, and they usually cum really quickly, leaving their women unsatisfied. Sometimes they spooge in the eye of their partner, causing rashes and irritation. And you can pregnant from sitting on a toilet seat on Thanagar.

It is clear to any astute observer that Rann is superior in all aspects. Let us hope that they someday prevail in this conflict, and then move on to conquer Earth. Then they will teach us how to shoot our loads in arcs reaching distances of eight feet, spraying our seed over the headboard and past any onlookers. For every Man is a Porn Star on Rann.

And so it should always be.

5 Love Letters:

Blogger TCSmith said...

Holy shit that was funny! I just ruptured my slpeen!

3:45 PM

 
Anonymous Greg said...

I am in fact from Rann. All that was said is true. Rann man also enjoy pleasing earth woman.

5:29 PM

 
Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

I'm half Rannian and have a picture to prove it.

6:51 AM

 
Blogger Robby Reed said...

Well, that was just pure genius. Victory to RANN!

11:55 PM

 
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2:26 AM

 

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