NO FIWOTTS ALLOWED!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Obligitory Intergalactic Partisanship

So the internet is ON FIRE. ON FIRE WITH THE FIRES OF WAR. And that war is the one going on between Rann and Thanagar, in a comic that's not nearly as interesting and fun as you'd think. However, blogs are lining up and taking sides and I know everyone's been wondering what the official "Right" stance is.

Let's put it this way: Hawkman has recently been written by Geoff Johns in two titles. Adam Strange has been written by Geoff Johns in zero titles. To put it another way, Hawkman is boring and Adam Strange kicks ass JUST BECAUSE HE CAN. Hawkman was on the Justice League because his title needed sales. Every mission he was like, "Hey, guys, I can FLY!" and then they'd all laugh at him like the tard he is. "Hey, Hawkman, I can wear a SHIRT!" Batman was once heard to reply before flipping Hawkman in the nips HARD. Hawkman tweeted and cried in his room.

The JLA was all like, "Hey, Adam Strange, will you join us please?" They asked him ALL THE TIME. But he knew they were mind-wiping losers. "Uhhh, right. I'll be a RESERVIST. If I'm ever not busy scoring with hot alien girls or KICKING ASS BY BEING AWESOME, then I'll let you know." Then Flash would get a little stiffy and Hawkman probably cried some more. God, what a baby.

Also notice that Hawkman can't seem to even score with his own predestined mate, Hawkgirl. Smooth, romeo. It's like if I met a girl named Joe Rice Girl who loved rock and roll, comics, and cleaning my apartment and somehow managed to fumble (as if). Hawkgirl's probably pining for Adam, who doesn't even have to pretend he's powers or that he used to be like 30 different obscure superheroes. (The Silent Knight? Ooooh, impressive! Almost impressive as Guy With Wings And That's It.)

So, in a nutshell, if you want to be Right, go Rann.

8 Love Letters:

Blogger Hisham Zubi said...

Aargh! Fin-heads everywhere.

8:34 PM

 
Blogger Joe Rice said...

The Zeta Beam vs. . . .wings.

Sardath vs. . . .some birds with white masks on.

Laser guns vs. . . .a mace.

Rann wins every time.

8:37 PM

 
Blogger Bill Reed said...

Bwahahah!

Yeah, Rann rocks.

9:30 PM

 
Blogger Robby Reed said...

A brilliant analysis, my friend. Fellow Rannies -- help is on the way! Today on Dial B for BLOG, you'll find two special "RANN VICTORY BANNERS." Download these banners and declare yourself! Victory to RANN!

Dial B for BLOG

11:12 PM

 
Blogger Brian Cronin said...

Thanagar really DOES suck.

And Adam Strange really does kick ass.

Go Rann!

4:37 PM

 
Blogger alex said...

Thanks for checking with me before you had OUR blog endorse Rann...

...

...ASSHOLE.

That being said, Rann rules.

Thanagar can suck my dick!

-a

7:15 PM

 
Blogger Joe Rice said...

Alex, you and I are Right. There is only one Right answer for this question. Therefore, since I knew the Right answer, I knew you did as well.

7:19 PM

 
Blogger Christopher Burton said...

Thanagarians are Nazis. Space Nazis. I hate Space Nazis.

8:11 AM

 

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