NO FIWOTTS ALLOWED!

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Ever-Lovin' Blue Eyed Guest Blog

Hey, Benjamin J. Grimm here. I got something to say so I asked my buddies here at Listen To Us, We're Right to post as I dictate. My giant goddam square fingers ain't so good for typistry. I ain't got a whole lot to say, but I want to say it.

It was bad enough being in shitty comic books. Maybe I was spoiled. Stan and Jack can do that to you. Same with Uncle Walt and even that nutcase Byrne. But other than that, my crew and I ain't had a whole lot of luck lately. When your best comic is Robert Kirkman's worst comic, this ain't the glory days no more. That ain't no slight to Bob, his other comics are fuckin great. But everything else we're in either sucks and gets praised for not sucking as much as before or just plain sucks.

But whatever. Comics about orange bastards like me ain't gonna be art nine times outta ten anyways. You get that Crumb guy to do our comic, or that fella that did Ghost Planet and you'll see something real nice. But that ain't what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to talk about that goddam shitty movie about us. Christ, I'm made of orange rocks and I can smell that shit a mile away. Don't mollycoddle that poorly-made piece of shit because it's got me in it and I'm played by the Commish. Fuck that. It's a shitty movie. And here's what I got to say about the mooks that wrote, directed, and decided to release that flick as is:

Aunt Petunia says 'Fuck you,' too.

Now scram and go do something useful.

Yer pal,

Ben

8 Love Letters:

Blogger Lex said...

You didn't like it either, Joe? Huh. For some reason, I thought you would.

I haven't seen it yet, but I probably will soon. I found out that my uncle saw it and I ended up having a nice discussion with him about comics. I never knew this, but he was into comics as a kid. He was reading comics during the Stand and Jack years of FF. Imagine that! So, we had a good talk about comics. My uncle was especially happy that Dr. Doom was the villain (a favorite of his growing up). It was cool.

So, I think there's at least one good thing to come out of this movie... and I haven't even seen it yet.

1:23 PM

 
Blogger Joe Rice said...

No, I haven't gone to go see it. I wouldn't go see something this shitty unless I were paid healthy amounts of cash, untraceable, in small bills. I didn't want to see it at all, then Alex told me about it and I wanted to unsee it even more.

This review was Ben's, not mine.

1:41 PM

 
Blogger Brad Curran said...

Ben put that movie in its place effortlessly. The blogsphere has needed him. Seriously, you need to get more contributions from him. And also encourage him to pursue the Clowes/Crumb FF run. Surely he has a say in such things.

On another note, have you read JMS's FF, and what do you think of it? I know you were a bigger fan of his Spidey than I was (and I haven't even bothered to read Sins Past), and I'm interested in finding out what you think of his run on the FF given that.

2:57 PM

 
Blogger Joe Rice said...

It's not bad, really. I'm afraid I'm growing tired of his Spidey, too, though. It's ...OK. Not worth spending money on another superhero book, though. The plot is kind of interesting, but the "rich Ben" thing is pretty damn dumb.

3:01 PM

 
Blogger Chris Hunter said...

"The plot is kind of interesting, but the "rich Ben" thing is pretty damn dumb."

You shut your filthy mouth, Rice! Shut it!

As for the movie, it had way more bad story points than it had good ones. I did like Chris Evans as Johnny Storm, though. He was worth the price of admission to me. But, man, are there some bad spots. BAD.

9:54 PM

 
Blogger Chris Hunter said...

And that Aunt Petunia is SASSY!

9:56 PM

 
Blogger Jacob "H" Tucker said...

JMS' current run, I suspect, will turn out to be quite stinky. Sorry you ever lovin blue eyed Jewish super-monster.

10:39 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is the best review of the Fantastic Four movie I've read.

1:38 PM

 

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